Write to my MP #spartacusreport

This blog has gone a bit quiet due to me having a lazy Christmas. Time for me to crack on with the to-do list.


I did think about using this task for something incredibly silly - maybe write something in green crayon demanding that everybody in Britain be given a free tricycle, or to suggest that Angry Birds is a CIA conspiracy. Then it occured to me that there is such a thing as Poe's Law.

Without a winking smiley or other blatant display of humor, it is impossible to create a parody of Fundamentalism that SOMEONE won't mistake for the real thing.

This is just a guess on my part, but I can't help but feel that no matter what ridiculous letter I come up with, there'll be some constituent somewhere writing something even madder.

Besides, there is something I wanted to write to my MP about which is actually worthwhile. Those of you on Twitter might have noticed the hashtag #spartacusreport flying about. This is a report (actually entitled Responsible Reform) which has been put together by disabled people to show how the government has been misleading Parliament about the true scale of cuts to disability benefits. I know quite a few disabled people who are, quite frankly, terrified about what's likely to happen to them, and are worried about how they're going to survive.


To quote the authors of the report.

Our report shows that :
-The Government broke its own code of consultation over the DLA reform-The Government has entirely misrepresented the views submitted as part of the consultation, giving a partial and biased view.-The Government claim that DLA must be reformed as claims has risen 30% in 8 years - we find that these statistics are entirely misleading and give a "distorted view"-There is overwhelming opposition to the new benefit, Personal Independence Payments-Some elements of PIP appear to already be going ahead, despite a rejection of the plans and before legislation has passed.-The Government are repeatedly warned that proposals for PIP may break International and UK equality and Human Rights legislation

I've used Write to Them to send a letter to my MP (Jenny Willot, Lib Dem, Cardiff Central) 

Dear Jennifer Willott,
I would like you read the Responsible Reform report, also referred to
on the Internet as the Spartacus Report.
The report can be found online here:
https://skydrive.live.com/view.aspx/Responsible%20Reform%20for%20screen%20readers.doc?cid=cba86408918caa9e
This report into Disability Allowance Reform has been written,
researched and funded by disabled people. As one of your constituents,
I am very concerned by its findings and the misrepresentation of
disabled people that it exposes.
Please will you read the report and support sick and disabled people in
calling for a pause to Personal Independence Payments in light of this
new research.
I look forward to your response,

As well as writing to your MP, you can also support and publicise this report by using the #spartacusreport hashtag on Twitter, add the Spartacus Report twibbon to your Twitter profile, and sign this e-petition calling for a stop and review of the disability benefit cuts.

Rude Breadmaking

This one isn't a task as such, more of an addendum to the breadmaking task. I felt I should be a bit more creative than simply slinging stuff into a breadmaker. And so, I created this charming piece of cookery.

Half an hour at 200 degrees celsius later...

The shaft was good, though the balls were a little doughy. Even so, I was able to enjoy a cheese and ham salad testicle for my lunch today.

Fame at Last

The video for the flashmob I attended is now online.

My ugly mug waltzes onto the screen at 0.48

Find the Pterodactyls in Citizen Kane

Everyone knows that Citizen Kane is one of the greatest movies of all time, but did you know that it contains pterodactyls?

Yes, pterodactyls.

Attending the Fortean Times Unconvention had put me in the mood for adding some fortean-themed tasks in the list. This month's FT contains an article on supposed monsters and UFOs in great movies, and there's a scene in Citizen Kane where supposedly pterodactyls were flying around in the background.

As with the Casablanca task, this also gave me an opportunity to see a classic movie that I've never got around to watching. After all, it's such a keystone in cinema that people talk about, say, The Wicker Man as "the Citizen Kane of horror movies" or The Room as "the Citizen Kane of bad movies". Might as well see the Citizen Kane of Citizen Kane.

Compared to Casablanca, I though that it was a more dated movie. Even so, the tale of Charles Foster Kane as a modern-day Ozymandias did grip and intrigue me, and it was particularly poignant finding out eventually what "Rosebud" meant. Nope, no spoilers for you lot.

Anyway, the pterodactyls. Here they are:

Okay, it's just badly-animated birdies whizzing around a soundstage mock-up of the Florida Everglades, but they do kind of look like pterodactyls.

Visit the Cross Bones Graveyard

Just a few streets away from London Bridge tube station is the Cross Bones Graveyard - the site of a medieval graveyard where prostitutes and paupers were buried on unconsecrated ground. It's now because a shrine of sorts for the "Outcast Dead".

I walked out of the tube and past Southwark Cathedral. Apparently a mystery play has been performed there about the prostitutes who were buried at Cross Bones.

Then a stroll through Borough Market - a strangely otherworldly place - like you're entering into a subterranean underworld.

And then the gates of the graveyard itself, which is strewn with offerings.

There isn't public access onto the land itself, so I took a photo through the gates.

An interesting little curiosity of a place, and well worth a visit, if you're in London with a bit of time to spare. There's even a nice little pub just opposite.

Mix a Cocktail

I trawled through various cocktail recipe sites wondering what to make - a Harvey Wallbanger? A Sex on the Beach? A Slow Comfortable Screw? Then I decided I couldn't be bothered with recipes and just went to the shop to see what booze and mixers I could find, and came back with this.

From left to right: Jaffa Cake flavour Cactus Jack's, Apple flavour Cactus Jack's, Shloer fizzy grape juice, Irn Bru, cheap-ass vodka.

A classy set of ingredients, I think you'll agree.

The first combination I tried was Apple Cactus Jack's , vodka and Shloer. They went into the cocktail shaker (acquired for 99p from Home Bargains! Score!) added some ice, and started shaking.

The cocktail shaker exploded.

Still, what didn't go on the floor was nice and drinkable, in a fruity kind of way. I then tried Jaffa Cake Cactus Jack's, vodka and Irn Bru.

Again, the cocktail shaker exploded.

At this point it occurred to me that maybe you shouldn't put fizzy drinks in a cocktail shaker.

Still, a fair amount of it went into a glass.

A cocktail needs a quirky, possibly smutty name. I call it the Embarrassing One Night Stand With An Estonian Lorry Driver.

One trip to the corner shop later, and I'd got some orange juice to replace the fizzy drinks as a mixer. Next was Apple Cactus Jack's, vodka and orange juice. This time the cocktail shaker didn't explode.

Despite looking like flourescent ectoplasm, it tasted good. I call it the Awkward Moment When You Realise You've Made a Joke About Death in Front of a Grieving Relative.

And finally, Apple Cactus Jack's, Jaffa Cake Cactus Jack's and orange juice.

It tasted like....well, like orangey, appley, jaffa cakey drink, quite frankly. I call it They Were Both Poisoned, I Spent The Last Few Years Building Up an Immunity To Iocane Powder.


*hic*

Zorbing

Today I traipsed out to Zorbing Wales near Haverfordwest to try out the silliest of the extreme sports. Basically the closest a human can get to experiencing what it's like to be an Angry Bird - well, until they invent an adrenalin activity that involves being loaded into a catapult and fired at pigs. There may be a marketing opportunity there.

The experience was surprisingly comedic. I was expecting to be nervous, but I didn't expect to be laughing my head off the entire way down.

"Mister, can we have our ball back, please?"

It's a lot of fun, but a bit on the pricey side. Normally it's £45 for two runs for two people, though I only paid £17 because I got a Groupon voucher. It's not something I'd do on a regular basis, but it's worth doing for a one-off or a special occasion.